When kids want their Mom's attention, the typical scenario looks like this:
A child comes barreling into the room with a barrage of "Mom, Mom, Mama, Ma, Mommy!!!"
Either you didn't respond fast enough, or you're busy doing something and not giving immediate focus to the sweet face beckoning for your attention. Sound familiar?
But it's disrespectful. Right? It's not honoring you, your time, or your boundaries. It might all seem cute now, but this behavior will get old quickly if it hasn't already.
Suppose you're tolerating repeated interruptions with no end in sight. In this case, a simple way to teach kids how to interrupt politely will help them feel confident about connecting with you without rudely interrupting you.
For instance, if you're on the phone, texting someone, or working on a project, you probably don't want to be assaulted with demands for immediate attention unless it's a life or death situation.
Here's how to win the war on messy interruptions:
Teach your child how to interrupt politely. You might say, "When you want my attention, I would like you to come up to me and gently place your finger on my shoulder until I look at you. When I look at you, I'm going to nod, and then I want you to take your finger away and wait."
Let's take a minute to discuss how long a child can wait: The younger a child is, the shorter the length of time. A child two yrs old can wait maybe 30 seconds to a minute. A four-year-old child can probably wait a minute to a minute-and-a-half, max. Six-year-olds, probably two minutes, and these time limits will feel long in the moment.
Remember, your goal is to help a child develop patience. It's a life skill with lots of value in the grand scheme.
Let's get back to the action steps:
Once your child puts their finger on your shoulder, and you have acknowledged them by physically nodding your head, it's time to put that finger down and wait for your attention.
If you're talking to somebody and your child approaches you, do not stop what you're doing. Finish your thought and say to the person you're speaking with something like this, "Can you hold one moment? My child needs my attention."
Then turn to your child with both of your shoulders facing them, and look eye to eye. You're showing your undivided attention through body language.
At this point, a child can easily recognize their actions were rewarded with your full attention. You are smiling. You are happy because they used the 'polite interruption' steps.
You might say something like this, "That was beautiful!!! You waited and did exactly what you should do when you want my attention. I'm so proud of you. Now, what do you need?"
You reinforce the positive behavior. You do your best to be as generous as possible with your reward to cement the positive behavior neurologically: the polite interruption pays off well!
However, it won't always be the case that things go smoothly. At this point, we're looking to prime the pump of the excellent behavior we're looking for - mutual respect.
So, let's talk for a minute about what happens when your kiddo approaches you with, "Mom, Mom, Mom," while you're on the phone. You look at your child, nod, and turn back to complete your thought. Suddenly, that same hand that gently tapped your shoulder and dropped back down goes right back up to your shoulder, frantically tapping again.
You'll need to do something to show your child there is no win for being impulsive or impatient. The undesired behavior means they must wait twice as long to get your full attention.
Remember, it's perfectly okay to show that you're disappointed as you say something like, "I'm so sorry. We'll keep trying until you get better at the 'polite interruption.' I know you're struggling now, but you got this! But now that you kept tapping me, poked me hard, and screamed at me, you'll have to wait twice as long."
You might not even be that busy when the interruption comes, but that's not the point. Right? We're in training mode. We're teaching our kids to wait politely.
Even if you're not doing anything important, you need to explain what matters here: "I'm sorry you didn't politely wait. Now you have to wait."
You must convey the deal: "I will eventually give you my full attention when you politely wait. When you don't politely wait, you have to wait twice as long for my full attention.
We're building a patience muscle. We're letting kids know through the rules of engagement precisely what to do and what to expect.
Lastly, when your kiddo retorts, "This isn't fair! You're being mean. What are you doing," remember, this is a new thing you're working on for the family's good.
The polite interruption offers simple steps to improve the vibe when your child wants to speak with you. Still, you're on the phone, talking to a friend, or working on a project.
As a calm, benevolent mom, it only makes sense to put simple tools into kids' hands so they know what to say and do when they want Mama's attention.
